"Mario and Mertha" - 12-07-2006 (Lucid)

”Mario and Mertha”

12-07-2006

Dream #1

(Lucid)

(This one was weird. The vividness seems to be back, but there are still some pretty big gaps in my recall.)

There was this guy who I can only identify as "Mario," from "Super Mario Brothers". He was about 3 or 4 feet tall, and he was a real asshole. (Though this was a live-action character, he was dressed like Mario, so I’d have to say it was him.) The trump card behind his massive ego was the fact that he had a really scary companion, named “Big Mertha.” She was like 8 feet tall with a 70-something inch waist. (Think Andre the Giant with breasts and like 45% more body fat. Terrifying. Lol.) Anyway, the scariest thing about Mertha was that she had the ability to just appear and disappear, like she was the f*ckin Candyman, or something. So, whenever Mario, who was often alone, would hear someone talking trash about him, he’d just “call” Mertha, and she’d just show up and mangle whoever it was that had been talking bad about her "friend."

At one point me, a friend of mine (JC I think) and Mario were at my old house. I think JC and I got into an argument with Mario, and it resulted in us saying what we thought about him and Mertha. Before I could do anything about it, I saw Mertha’s big-ass hulk of a body stomping down the hallway toward us.

Needless to say: we got the hell out of there.

Later, we were outside, in a park by a neighborhood near my old one (the park doesn’t really exist in waking life). I was sitting on a swing, and Mario was there, being a cocky little bastard (emphasis on “little”), as he was talking to someone else. I don’t think it was JC, but I know JC was still in the picture. Sooner or later, words started flying and Mario, whose lil’ ass would get wrecked by just about anybody, conjured up Mertha. She appeared and was towering over the other person, about to beat him to the ground.

As I sat there, swinging and watching, I remember thinking “Jesus, here those two go again,” and I was feeling a sense of pity for the person about to get beat down, and a deepening irritation with these two assholes.

That’s when I realized that this was all a dream.

I continued to swing, lightly, for a little while and watched as Mertha began just annihilating this guy. After a couple of seconds I’d about had my fill and hopped out of the swing. I walked nonchalantly over to Mario and Mertha, brimming with confidence. Without saying a word, I wound up and gave Mario a roundhouse kick to the face that sent him flying off, into the side of one of the apartment buildings a few yards away. Mertha left the other guy alone and started trying to swing on me but I was too quick and I vaguely remember giving her a couple uppercuts to the jaw. I then stepped back and stayed on the defensive, ducking and dodging this giant’s attempts to grab me.

At one point, I wound up in a small alleyway between buildings and did one of those zig-zagging, videogame-like jumps, where you jump from back and forth, between two walls, kicking yourself higher each time, until you reach the top. Both Mario and Mertha (somehow) followed me onto the roof, and we started fighting up there. I remember jumping from rooftop to rooftop, but not much of the fight in general. All I know is that I had them completely outmatched, and I ended up knocking them both off of the roof.

Something I saw from the rooftop made me think of Spiderman (I can’t remember exactly what it was, though) and, having had my fun with Mario and Mertha, I decided to try sticking to the wall, so I scaled down the side of one of the buildings, sticking with my hands and feet, and dropped down onto an apartment balcony. I walked inside and, unexpectedly, I saw a bunch of my friends sitting around and playing video games.

My recall gets a little hazy, here, but I remember summoning Mario and Mertha again, later on, to go another round while I could still hold onto the dream. Some time after slapping them around, again, I woke up.